One million in the bank

This happened to a girl back in the late 90’s so I don’t know if it still applies, but she said one day she received a telephone call from her bank asking her to come to a particular branch that she was not familiar with.

She was anxious about it, because she was sure it would be bad news since she had likely bounced some checks due to her poverty. She arrived at the posh bank with swanky marble floors and sky-high columns and shiny brass fixtures, and suddenly several “bankers” in suits “rose from their desks” to greet her and shake her hand. She was led into a side office and plopped down in a plush leather arm chair opposite a big fancy mahogany desk.

It turns out her old childhood friend had just deposited a million dollars in her name after a recent conversation wherein she had lamented to him that she was eating cat food in order to save the better food for her young daughter.

I met her about two or three years after this had happened; she was dating my business partner. She said it was “surreal.” By this time she and her daughter were living entirely off the dividends from the investment of the money, “about $80,000 per year.”


What should I do to marry a rich guy?

This is a REAL reply from CEO of J.P. Morgan (a top bank) to a pretty girl seeking a rich husband.

So, this is the girl:
I’m going to be honest of what I’m going to say here.
I’m 25 this year. I’m very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above.
You might say that I’m greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York.
My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married?
I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you?
Among those I’ve dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit.
If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden(?), $250k annual income is not enough.
I’m here humbly to ask a few questions:

1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches are only average-looking? I’ve met a few girls who don’t have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys.
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)
Ms. Pretty

And this is the philosophical reply from CEO of J.P. Morgan:

Dear Ms. Pretty,
I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor.
My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I’m not wasting time here.
From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain.
Put the details aside, what you’re trying to do is an exchange of “beauty” and “money” : Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square.
However, there’s a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can’t be prettier year after year.
Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It’s not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worse 10 years later.
By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a “trading position”.
If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term – same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or “leased”.
Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income.This has better chance than finding a rich fool.

Hope this reply helps.

signed, J.P. Morgan CEO